The Reincarnation of Marcus Cole
by paula352
Summary: Marcus's feelings after Susan's death. This is AU set at the end of Season 4. I'm going to give it an 'M' rating for language. I've amended the text as I think it will explain the story a little bit better. Reviews & Comments welcome
1. Chapter 1

**The Reincarnation Of Marcus Cole**

This is a Marcus story that I thought of while listening to the song "The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg" by Iron Maiden. It's not a song fic but I was inspired by the lyrics of the song.

This is AU and takes place at the end of Endgame with reference to No Compromises.

**Most Excellent Beta:** Layhee

**Disclaimer Bit:** B5 and all it's characters belong to the Great Maker JMS

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Diary entry: 4th November 2261

I remember it now, so clearly, the deaths…her death…

I'm really drunk, and quite frankly I don't bloody care! Normally I don't drink, but considering the day—no, the past few days that I've had so far, I would be forgiven this indulgence. I'm pissed off – well, not pissed off, _severely_ pissed off – no, scratch that! "Severely pissed off" doesn't even come close to how I truly feel.

I'm in my quarters with a few more bottles of some alcoholic beverage – which? I have no idea, but as long as it's alcoholic I have every intention of drinking it! I want to forget today, just erase it from the calendar – *poof* gone!

I bloody wish!

I sit in my chair, placing the crystal into the player. The music begins and I close my eyes...

I remember the lyrics of the 21st century song that fit my current situation down to a tee. I played a lot of heavy music back on the colony; it reflected my emotions at the time. The song was called 'The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg' – never got to know by who…

The thing that drew me to this particular song was the haunting lyrics which, for me now have a lot of meaning. Whoever wrote this must've had foresight and penned it in my honour. Yes, I know – dream on!

The song begins,

_Let me tell you about my life  
Let me tell you about my dreams  
Let me tell you about the things that happen  
Always real to me_

_Let me tell you of my hope  
Of my need to reach the sky  
Let me take you on an awkward journey  
Let me tell you why  
Let me tell you why_

Well, for those who don't know me, and for those who can be bothered to know me, my name is Marcus. I'm a Ranger. We are sworn to protect the frail and the innocent from the darkness, be it from the return of the Ancient Enemy, or the darkness that lurks within each and every one of us. My problem is that mine's decided to pay a visit.

Our code, to live for the One and to die for the One, could mean many things, but to me, it means to finally have peace. If it means that I die so that others may live, then so be it.

I was born and raised on the Arisia mining colony. My parents had decided that I would take ownership of Cole Mining. Yes, my name is Cole – I'm a fifth generation mine-rat. Well, was, thanks to the 'shadows' and their associates for blowing my life and my dearest brother to buggery when they attacked Arisia.

My hopes and dreams of meeting that right girl… I found her alright. Settling down and having a family, living happily ever after... What a bloody idiot pipe dream that was. For me, there is no happily ever after.

_Why should these curses be laid upon me  
I won't be forgiven 'till I can break free  
What did I do to deserve all this guilt  
Pay for my sins with the sale of my soul  
Demons are trapped all inside of my head  
My hopes are gone reach for heaven from hell  
_

When I'd found all the necessary information to use the machine and put my plan into action, I was incensed that they had used the same bloody machine on Mr. Garibaldi for less. Their attitude – Well, thanks for everything Susan, but hey, that's life… It made my blood boil! For all the sacrifices Susan had made, for everything she had done for them, they were just going to let her die! The bastards had written her off!

I'm so bloody angry that I can barely bring myself to look them in the face without wanting to pound them against a bulkhead! Yes, including Delenn!

Susan died earlier today, but I know that beating someone senseless won't bring her back. If anything, it'd mean me having a long stay in the brig. Stephen stopped me from using the alien healing device. He didn't understand… they don't understand… that I need peace.

_My sins are many my guilt is too heavy  
The pressure of knowing of hiding what I know  
I'm able to see things  
Things I don't want to see  
The lives of a thousand souls  
Weigh heavy down on me  
_  
I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here…it should've been me dying. After she died, I ran to downbelow, to the nearest bar and cleaned it out. I went looking for trouble, for a way to die, for a way to finally have peace…I want to break free of this curse of being alive. Why is it that everyone I hold dear dies because of me?

I think back to Arisia. William came back to warn me of the impending attack. But _no_, workaholic big brother was too far up his own arse, taking him on a sightseeing tour to see how successful the company had become, to issue the evacuation order. I remember a few lines in the song which, when I read them, impacted me immensely. 'I'm able to see things, things I don't want to see, the lives of a thousand souls weigh heavy down on me.' Valen, if they only knew. I was the only one to make it out alive, out of over a thousand lives…it was just me who made it back…they don't know how much it hurts….

_I know they're crying for help reaching out  
The burden of them will take me down as well  
The sin of a thousand souls not died in vain  
Reincarnate still in me live again  
_  
…Every bloody night, I dream of the attack, I see their faces and now I will see _her _face too, I know it.

_Someone to save me  
Something to save me from myself  
To bring the salvation  
To exorcise this hell  
_  
…Susan…

_Someone to save me  
Something to save me from myself  
To bring the salvation  
To exorcise this hell  
_  
…Somebody…

_Someone to save me  
Something to save me from my hell  
A destination  
Away from this nightmare  
_  
…Anybody…

_Someone to save me  
Something to save me from myself  
To bring the salvation  
To exorcise this hell_

Everyone sees me and they think I'm the cheery, happy-go-lucky Ranger. Ha! What a load of bollocks! If they only knew!

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_Two months later…_

Slowly, he came around in an empty room, tied securely to a chair. His memory returning to him, he remembered how he got to be here. He'd volunteered to lead a rescue mission on Mars, but it'd had gone south pretty badly. His friend Angela had been wounded during their escape. He'd told the others to get her out; staying behind to buy time for the rest of the Rangers to get to safety. Standing his ground in the dark tunnel, he'd seen someone shoot at him as he moved in to attack his assailant. He'd felt a pain in his shoulder then his world had gone black.

Now he heard the presence of another person in the room, and a soft lullaby emanating from a music box that was on the table. The man closed it as he walked toward the captured Ranger, holding a PPG directly in front of him.

"Do you have any last words?" he questioned.

He raised his head and looked at the man. It was then that he saw the other people in the room with him. When he recognised who they were, a smile spread on his face from ear to ear. He looked past the man and was overjoyed to see his parents, his brother…and his love, all standing behind a backdrop of light. His gaze fixed on the faces of his loved ones…when he looked at her, she walked toward him and smiled.

He stared at her, not really paying the man anymore attention. "We live for the One, we die for the One."

She took hold of his hand and guided him to where his parents and brother were. They encircled him and embraced each other in a massive group hug.

It was then that he turned around to see his lifeless body slumped in the chair. Shrugging his shoulders, he turned around and walked toward the light.

End


End file.
